Self-love is for everyone
Pst, hey, ya you, want to know a secret? A 5-minute, quickie, ‘lookin’ like the walk of shame from your party days’ shower, ya, you know “the kind”, where you just do a quick scrub of all the ‘vital’ parts, uh-huh that kind, is NOT taking care of yourself. I love when I sit down to talk to a dark bags under the eyes, on their 4th cup of coffee and it’s 10am primary care giver (could be a mom, a grandmother, a foster parent, a single father, an aunt) and when I ask what have you done for ‘yourself’ lately. The answer usually starts with family outings or a dinner out together and I have to redirect the question to focus back on the primary care giver. It’s such a hard question for so many to answer, “what have you done for yourself lately?” If the answer is well, umm, I took a shower this morning, (enter uncomfortable laugh- cuz we all know that means the 5-minute ‘walk of shame from the party days’ shower), that is NOT taking care of yourself.
Why is it so hard to take time to care for ourselves?
A neighbor needs help bringing in the groceries and you just spent 10 minutes bring in your own groceries, what do you do? Sure, no problem, I’ll spend 10 more minutes helping you out, (mutter under your breath about the damn groceries you still have to put away), smiling because you are a good neighbor.
Your child needs new shoes, another growth spurt! Are you kidding me we just bought shoes last month?! Off to get new shoes at $50ish a pop, yet you’re still wearing shoes from 2010, or was it 1910. How old am I exactly? But hey, these are fine, just super-glued the sole back on and they still fit, no need for new shoes yet, right?
Your relative needs a babysitter for the weekend, (who doesn’t?!), Of course you’ll help because what’s a few more kids and you love your nieces and nephew. The house will need a bit more cleaning, you’ll spend more time making meals, and get a whopping headache but it’ll be a blast!
So tell me again, what are you doing to take care of yourself?
Here are a few ideas:
When your neighbors asks for your help with taking in the groceries, find a way your neighbor can be helpful to you. Maybe you can pick up your neighbor’s groceries on the days you shop and maybe your neighbor is an awesome cook, you can trade a few cooked dinners for grocery deliveries? This will save you time cooking, you build a support system, and what’s a couple extra minutes in the store?
When you’re child needs new shoes, consider an outlet store or shopping a sale. Many outlet stores and sales offer a ‘buy one get one half off or free’, then you can get yourself a pair. Start treating yourself as you do your children. Most care providers have no issue with spending money on their child, but question spending any money on themselves. $50 shoes for my child, Sure, $5.00 shoes for me, might be too much. Think about the message you are sending to your child, enjoy it now kiddo because when you get to being a parent, it’s all gone, you are worthless. When in fact it is quite the opposite, as a care provider, you are priceless and worth so much, even when you don’t recognize it yourself.
If a relative calls to ask you to babysit arrange an exchange. You will this weekend, they will next weekend. It’s a win-win for you both. This weekend may be tough for you but you will have the opportunity to look forward to the next weekend.
Here’s a big one… learn to say No. You can say No when life is overwhelming and your plate is full. Imagine being in a buffet line and as you are walking along do you fill your plate till you have just enough? Do you fill till you have enough for a 2nd helping? Maybe you fill a 2nd plate? Just how many plates do you fill? Do you start to fill so many plates that you must juggle full plates on your head? Your feet? Elbows next? Remember your hands are full. Are you starting to feel gravy sloshing around? Is the soup spilling over? Is this practical for any one person? When your plate is has just the right amount for your day, say this is enough. Leave a little wiggle room, let’s call that dessert, in case something comes up, but we don’t always need dessert.
And remember that thing called Happy Hour, uh-huh, yep that thing, from before the kid days, when you could go out with friends and get the 2/1 drink specials, cheap eats, and laugh? Now that’s all for you- take Happy Hour every day, even if Happy Hour is Happy 10 minutes- read a book you got from the library, talk to a good friend on the phone, dance to your favorite 90’s boy band, get your downward dog on, take a drive down to the beach, savor your favorite cookies that you spent the extra 50 cents on and watch the next episode of your Netflix series, whatever it is that’s going to lift your spirits and fill your soul, that is taking care of yourself. That is setting an example for your child and modelling self-worth, self-love, and self-awareness of the need to care for oneself. How do our children learn self-worth if we do not set the example?
This is not cup half full or half empty, this is cup full or empty. If you are completely empty, run dry, tumbleweeds blowing by, then you will not be able to care for your child or anyone else because you can’t care for yourself. If you are hydrated, feeling rested, blooming, vibrant, and healthy, you are ready to tackle the world. You have to do your part in keeping your cup filled by recognizing when your cup is getting empty. Are you sleeping enough? How is your health, eating habits, and exercise? Are you taking time to care for yourself? Asking yourself if you are modelling self-love for your family?
So it’s time to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself: what am I doing to take care of myself?
