I can be that person, Can you?
Praise, recognition, appreciation… these are easy for me to give and hard for me to accept. Today I stood on a doorstep, humbled, as I received praise and appreciation. The situation which produced the appreciation is in crisis and I have remained present, consistent, built trust, and provided care without judgement. This is my job, this is my role as a provider, this is who I am.
I am employed as a Family Partner/ a Family Peer Specialist, a Children and Family Mental Health Provider role. I support the care provider. I am a peer. I did not come into this role from an educational, university degree, but from a life experience degree. Now, don’t under-estimate me, I am intelligent and besides my excellent High School Diploma, I have taken a multitude of classes and trainings, I just don’t worry if I have another piece of paper to frame on the wall. I believe in my self-assured Doctorate in Badassness to cover me.
I had to learn lessons the hard way, learn to navigate systems early on, grow up too soon, and experience more than what I consider my share but I was fortunate to have met people along the way who gave me guidance, offered me support, showed me love, and cheered me on when I needed it most. I learned the tools necessary to grow into the role I now provide for care providers- to support, encourage, empower, model, teach, and most of all be present for. As a care provider, life can be isolating, full of challenges, personal traumas can be triggered, and knowing you have someone in your corner is all you need. When a person has a child, everything becomes focused on the child, school-child, doctor-child, friends-child, family-child, where does the adult fit in anymore? Having a family peer specialist who focuses on the parent and the parent’s goals, supporting the parent in their identity, supports the entire family dynamic. I understand this having been in this position myself.
I understand how to observe and wait. I know how to listen not to respond but listen to listen alone. I can offer care and empathy without judgement or explanation. I know how to challenge and push a parent into discomfort to support goals but because of our built trust, the parent understands the reason behind the encouragement to reach further. I can offer differing views and challenge opinions in order to build ideas and open expressions. I can have hard conversations because I have built the relationships needed to do so.
I know the care providers I serve because I was a care provider served. I understand trust issues. I understand fear and judgement of providers and the systems of care. I can read through all the bullshit and know when someone is dismissive, judging, or has already made an opinion of me. It’s easy when you have already read the playbook. I never want to pass this along or make anyone feel this way. I never liked it.
Each day I strive to support at least one family. It’s my way to give back. I have many people to thank for getting me here. Sharon, an awesome RN, who was there in a great time of need, working with me when my son was in a stage of pain management, seizures, and uncertainty. Sharon died a couple years back and I will never forget her kindness. I do this work for her. Claire, an amazing case manager, who supported me at a time when I thought I might lose my mind, quite literally I might add, who introduced me to George Mark Children’s House and remained stead fast by my side for years. Claire died from a fight with cancer a few years back. I do this work for her. I do this work for my sons, my amazing sons who make me a better woman and mother. I may not be mom of the year everyday but I can strive to be has been my motto. My son laughs because he thinks my motto should be Fuck off or I’ll punch you in the face. As long as I can support 1 person, make someone smile, bring kindness to someone, then I have given my day purpose.
So while I appreciate the recognition, I am glad I am here to give back. Everyone deserves support. I’m glad I can be that person.
